Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
