Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
