Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
