Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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