alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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