at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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