3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Randomize
