I just saw a hot homeless man
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize