One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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