one two three fourrrrnication!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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