so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
