If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
