I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
