I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
