4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
