Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
