I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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