I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
