Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
