Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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