Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
