when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
