I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize