He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
