The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize