Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
