I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
