i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
