she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
