woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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