i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
