I accidentally burped into my bong.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
