So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dick very happy bro
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
