you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
