It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize