I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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