woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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