Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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