fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
