I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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