SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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