she was so not down for the gang bang
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
