Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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