When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
