How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize