I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
