I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Your penis caused this!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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