So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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