So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
