This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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