I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
