8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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