grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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