I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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