I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
