If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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