I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
