you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
