My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
