i permit you to call me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
