You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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