omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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