we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
