awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
