he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize