Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
