I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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