4 words: hood of his car
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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