Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
