I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
