I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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