I can text with my tongue
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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