ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
